After The Shooting, Then What?
Are you scared of saying the wrong thing to a loved one after they have suffered a death in the family?
That was one of many things Oresa Napper-Williams and I discussed during our latest conversation on The InCredible Messenger.
We often lean on clichés like "I know how you feel," but unless you’ve walked that specific path, you don’t. We’ve lost the "ministry of presence"—the simple act of showing up with a meal instead of asking a grieving person to make more decisions.
But this isn’t just a talk about grief; it’s a masterclass on the "Second Wound"—the trauma inflicted by the very systems meant to help us.
The Blueprint for Systemic Change:
Oresa didn’t just survive the murder of her son, Andrel; she founded Not Another Child to redesign how systems move. We break down:
The Myth of "Contributory Conduct": How denying victim compensation based on a child’s "lifestyle" dehumanizes families and halts community healing.
Beyond the "Hand-Off": Why agencies must move past immediate crisis management toward long-term, integrated trauma care.
The Receipts: How Oresa worked with Common Justice to strip harmful language from legislation and scale a local tournament into a national model serving 50+ survivors.
Key Moments & Conversation Timeline
[00:00:00] The Ministry of Presence: Oresa reflects on traditional ways of supporting grieving families and why "saying nothing" is often better than saying the wrong thing.
[00:01:10] Competitive Grief: A look at why we shouldn't try to make our grief "greater" than others to seem relatable.
[00:05:36] The Birth of "Not Another Child": Oresa shares the story of her son Andrel and how a local basketball tournament evolved into a national nonprofit.
[00:10:42] Making Their Names Great: How the program uses photos of lost loved ones to turn the urge for retaliation into a legacy of remembrance.
[00:18:25] The Survivor Ecosystem: Moving beyond "silos" and understanding that a nonprofit is a business fueled by passion, but governed by strategy.
[00:20:24] Victim vs. Survivor: Oresa discusses the terminology of "victim services" and why she identifies as a survivor who stands toe-to-toe with professionals.
[00:34:00] Giving Grace for the Lash Out: Recognizing the trauma of murder and why we must give survivors space to act in ways we might not expect.
[00:39:12] Challenging "Contributory Conduct": The fight to change laws that deny families financial support based on the perceived actions of the deceased.
[00:43:48] The Second Wound: Oresa recounts the traumatic experiences with hospital staff and detectives immediately following her son's death.
[00:54:38] Self-Care & Vitamin Drips: How Oresa maintains her energy through mindfulness, family time, and unconventional wellness.
[01:03:00] Advice for New Leaders: Why you should incorporate this work into your life, rather than letting the work overtake your life.
Resources:
Websites: NotAnotherChild.org, CVINSN.org
Social Media: @OfficialNAC | @OresaNapperWilliams
Connect with Oresa Napper-Williams
